Dear Type 1 Diabetes,
You arrived completely out of nowhere. A horrible monster that has taken up residence with my son. You’re aggressive and harmful and you won’t go away. You follow my son everywhere. You’re there when he eats, you’re there when he plays, when he goes to school, and even while he sleeps.
I can’t control you monster, I can only adapt everything in my life to cater for you and “manage” your existence.
Why couldn’t you have chosen me instead of my sweet innocent child?
I wish I could take you from my son but I can’t. Instead, I watch your every move. I anticipate your next attack, and prepare to manage your fury.
We feed you insulin several times a day. Sometimes that’s enough but sometimes there’s no telling what you will do next. There are no rules. You keep quiet for a while and just as I think I have got some kind of control you will strike!
We have a machine that makes the balance between life and monster less painful but it’s still there, forever waiting.
I pray that you will leave and never come back. The new machine allows me days where I can almost forget that you’re here, and then other days where I catch myself looking at my beautiful boy carrying this heavy monster on his back and it makes me weep. I almost mourn the past. The freedom and innocence that have gone will never return.
I check my son regularly to see what damage has been caused by the monster who chose to live with us. Daily we prepare for battle. Daily we pray for an antidote that will kill the monster and free my son of its burden.
For now, my son is strong and wise but I fear the day he leaves our home to live on his own with the monster.
A parent wants to protect their child, but I have to watch as my son battles 24-hours-a-day. This is his life. I can only stand on the sidelines and offer my support and my love. I wish I could offer a cure and rid my baby of this horrible monster.
I wish it had chosen me.