Guest Post: How I Went From Denial To Acceptance Having An Autoimmune Disease:

As a child, I was always self-aware and sensitive. The youngest of three I would say my childhood was very normal until I turned seven. At seven, I was diagnosed with juvenile onset diabetes also known as Type 1 diabetes, which is an autoimmune disease. Two things stick out to me from that incident.

(1) I recall keeping track of the number of injections that I was given while in the hospital and remember remarking to a friend how many I had taken (not knowing that this will go on for the rest of my life).

(2) I thought I was going to die because Dia-betes (perhaps I wasn’t much of a speller).

As soon as I was discharged from the hospital I took my diabetes management into my own hands and began giving myself my multiple daily injections without the help of my parents. I cruised through my teen years and my early 20s without much of an incident, aside from a bit of a wild streak.

I never wanted to identify as someone who was sick or had a chronic illness so I have always minimized the effort it takes on a daily basis I guess that’s known as denial.

I graduated college and obtained my master’s degree in social work and went on to become a geriatric social worker. I met my husband and that’s when things began to change.

If I’m being honest I am not someone who likes children, in fact, there are only three children that I’ve met who I like and those are my nephews. That said it was not until I met Adam (and later my nephews) that I decided I wanted to become a mom at some point. As most women my age can tell you the only representation they have of a type 1 diabetic and pregnancy is the character from the film Steel Magnolias (things didn’t end well for her).

I got serious and have been working a part-time job taking care of my diabetes. In order to have a healthy pregnancy as a type 1, you must have very tight glucose control and an a1c of 7 or below.

With the support of my husband and parents (and later a great new endocrinologist) I have gone on an insulin pump as well as a continuous glucose monitor. My control has gotten better since being on the pump- and after a year and a half, my a1c went from 9.0 to where it is now 6.4.

I spent most of my childhood and adolescence ignoring this invisible disease. Wanting to be like everyone else; eating without having to wait and calculate the carbs in my food, test my blood sugar and then take the right dosage, going to sleep at night without worrying about going low in the middle of the night and not waking up, going through airport security without my bags being searched and a doctor’s note and the inevitable grilling over my syringes or pump.

All of these things are minor and compared to what so many people deal with on a daily basis I’m not complaining- that said I would like to have a day off without worrying and monitoring.

It’s almost as if I’m starting from scratch and the seven-year-old me is scared, frustrated and impatient.

So I am here, exactly where I am supposed to be.
Rachel Gerstein, NYC

instagram.com/racheljaneyg