My Battle With Diabetes OCD

We have all heard of the anxiety disorder that causes people to act or think in repetitive ways is known as OCD (Over-Compulsive Disorder). Where someone may have unwanted thoughts, fears, and/or perform certain rituals.

But having diabetes, there is also a form of OCD called “Over-Correcting Disorder“.

I actually didn’t know that I had OCD until recently when someone mentioned the term in a diabetes support group. I thought that it just meant I was trying my best to manage my diabetes. But it’s actually a huge factor and sometimes a downfall in my diabetes management.

When I started analyzing how I approach my diabetes, more and more I noticed…

• I tend to overly micromanage my diabetes—even over my physician’s advice. I constantly adjust my insulin requirements without giving adequate time to pass to see the “actual” trend that’s going on.

• Having the Dexcom (Continuous Glucose Monitoring), I am able to see my blood sugar trends. But if it’s high I tend to chase it around, rather than letting it come down gradually. The Dexcom is a blessing and a curse for me at the same time.

• I’m afraid of highs—even when lows are just as worse and are more urgent and fatal. The bouncing back and forth is also not good for me.

I’m aware that diabetes can be controlled. I’m also aware that trying to control too aggressively can backfire. I think that’s what bothers me the most, is that I’m constantly combating this disease. I wish I could just win every time—but I can’t.

I’ve slowly but surely taken the time to address my weaknesses and faults.

For instance:

• I take days in between adjusting my insulin requirements—even though it pains me. It’s better to see what I’m dealing with and the trends going on, then to jump the gun.

• Now I try to take breaks from using the Dexcom. Having the ability to see my blood sugars at all times, causes me to want to control every little number. It’s better to let the insulin in my body take the time to work.

• My biggest accomplishment is not overly correcting my “highs”. I still correct accordingly, but I have to be more cautious. The rollercoaster ride is unfavorable and isn’t better than having a high.

Diabetes is all about balance and consistency. It’s a constant struggle. I’ve lived and I’ve learned. A lot of it has been me letting go of what I can’t control and by controlling what I can—to my best ability.

Perfection doesn’t exist with this disease—I’ve just grown to accept my imperfections and live beyond them.