Diabetes is the silent killer. Having to manage my blood sugars to avoid Hyperglycemia and Hypoglycemia is always a challenge.
It’s like I’m walking a tightrope, and not knowing if the next step I make could cause me to fall.
I live in fear of Hypoglycemia (lows) because of the fast, sudden repercussions. But what kills me inside in the long run is Hyperglycemia (highs). It’s my worst enemy.
For the past few days, I’ve been having many high sugars. I’m going through a lot of hormonal changes due to postpartum and my body is continuing to change. Right now it’s almost like my body is rejecting insulin. It’s not as sensitive or responsive. It’s mentally frustrating and physically disabling.
It’s almost like being “stuck in the mud”. Insulin is my only sense of “traction”.
I wanna move – I gotta move – I just can’t get the energy to. It feels like I’m moving slower than a snail. I’m mentally drained – dazed – confused. My insides feel like “goop”, and blood isn’t flowing through. My head feels like a ton, but nothings in there. I have a dry mouth and could drink water by the gallons. I also can’t forget about the bathroom trips – those are fun.
I would never want anyone to ever have to experience what I’m going through. But sometimes I wish someone could understand. My mood shifts – my irritability – my frustration – my fear. It’s all real. You feel the effects that your diabetes has on your body. Hyperglycemia has to be the most pronounced.
I get a lot of the “well take some insulin” or “be careful, don’t get low”. It’s nothing I’m not aware of. Sometimes my body just tends to work against me. I wish I could control these things. I have periods of “low sugars” and “highs sugars” all because of my hormones. I can’t be aggressive with it, I have to ride it out. I keep fighting, though. My children need me and I have to be extra cautious.
I think the one thing that bothers me the most is that there isn’t a finish line. The finish line is a cure, and until that day comes, I’m going to continue to run for it.
I’m not going to suddenly figure it all out, and be done. No, this will continue. I will get these numbers back where I’d like them. However, I will continue to have minor fallouts. Due to the fact that as humans we have so much going on in our bodies, that our blood sugars are constantly affected in a way. An illness, menstruation, exercise, not exercising. These all factor in.
I just happen to have to do the work that my pancreas isn’t doing.
All I can do – and will do – is my very best and have faith.
(Praying for a cure)
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