Letter To The Man That Wasn’t There For My Diabetes

I sometimes wish you would call me and ask how my diabetes is doing or if everything is going okay.

Just for a moment; acknowledge my diabetes.

It doesn’t define me but it’s such a huge part of my life and the journey I set out on everyday.

The journey you never joined me on.

I can’t imagine how you felt hearing the news that your daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, an incurable disease.

Thinking to yourself — why me, right?

I asked myself that question too.

But now I ask why couldn’t you ever accept or embrace it?

I needed to hear from you that “everything is going to be okay”.

But I never did and probably never will.

You never had to see me on the floor unconscious, or in a hospital bed with DKA, or up all night crying and praying that this would all go away.

You had it easy.

I thought you were doing me a kind favor by ignoring it and thinking that I had this all under control.

But this disease is hard, it’s real, it sucks, and honestly I feel like I’m just winging it.

I needed you in my corner, cheering me on.

But you were nowhere to be found.

I felt like damaged goods; I wasn’t “perfect” in your eyes anymore.

Diabetes was too much for you to handle.

I get it, I do.

Sometimes this burden feels like it’s too much for me.

But I can’t quit.

Now that I’m doing good, it may seem like I’m winning.

But I haven’t won yet.

It’s not fair to get to see me at my best, but not at my worst.

This is not how it works!

When I put my boxing gloves on, you should have put a pair on too and fought right alongside of me.

But you didn’t.

You chose to tap out.

This isn’t me being angry or resentful. This is just me confidently saying “I’m going to be okay”.

I forgive you.

I don’t need validation or approval.

I got this.

I found myself, and my voice.

I found a whole community that has my back.

I have a beautiful family that is there for me every step of the way.

With all my weaknesses, strengths, victories, and failures… I’ve made it thus far.

I’m proud of who I’ve become, and I’m never going to quit.

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