Letter To My Mother (From The Diabetic Herself)
The moment I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes I didn’t know that my world was going to change.
But you did.
I didn’t see the fear or worried look on your face as it must have felt like your world had been turned upside down.
You held it together for me—you put a smile on your face—and told me everything is going to be okay.
I didn’t witness the nights where you laid awake in bed asking “why this had to happen to me?”
Why your daughter—your baby—your piece to the puzzle had to be given this disease.
I didn’t realize the pain I put you through throughout the years when I didn’t want to take care of myself.
When you could have said anything and I would have looked the other way.
No one could save me—not even you.
The sacrifices and the struggles that you dealt with and being a mother is hard regardless.
A single mother going through difficult times of not having insurance.
Barely being able to afford my insulin and supplies.
The times where I dropped a vial of insulin on the kitchen floor by mistake—were cringe worthy moments (I’m sure).
Not having anyone to talk to that understands or even knows what Type 1 Diabetes is.
I know that you would have done anything to take it away from me, even if it meant for you to have it.
Having to worry if I actually checked my blood sugar (or if I lied to ignore it).
If I took the right amount of insulin (or if I took any at all).
Having to save my life countless times—fearing for my life ahead—having the fear of losing me.
Begging for me to wake up to reality and take care of myself or I would end up killing myself.
I’m sorry mom—I didn’t understand.
All I wanted to do was bury my head in the sand and escape the reality of it.
Feeling sorry for myself and not knowing that I’m my own worst enemy.
I thought that this was a life sentence. I didn’t know how beautiful my future was going to be.
I didn’t know at the time that this shall pass. That what doesn’t kill me WILL make me stronger.
That I can do this.
I know that a mother doesn’t want or need a thank you but now I’m so much more appreciative.
Now I can see it from your perspective.
Now when I look at and kiss my three children—I can say that I have the world.
The world you always wanted me to have.
I have peace, I have love, I have the future.
Now I understand.
Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.
I would go to the ends of the earth for my children. No questions asked.
Despite my hardships—I found lessons—I found purpose—I found out why I have diabetes.
Why I’m still here today.
This right here…this is my purpose.