The Diabetes Rollercoaster
Yesterday I had a day that was one of many. A day where nothing seems to go right. Where I feel like I’m being defeated. Where I feel physically debilitated and mentally distraught. The days where I don’t feel like going through the motions. Where I feel victimized, more so than any other day.
Almost like diabetes is picking on me.
When even though I feel like I’m fighting my hardest, I have to find that extra bit of strength to fight even harder.
I had a day full of erratic and irregular blood sugars. From hyperglycemia to hypoglycemia. Blood sugars that wouldn’t go down due to insulin resistance, and blood sugars that would come down involuntarily hours later. This is what I like to call the “diabetes rollercoaster” effect.
This diabetes rollercoaster ride isn’t fun by any means. It’s rather exhausting and nauseating actually. It’s unlike normal amusements park coasters, where normally there is some excitement and then an end. However, this rollercoaster has no end and keeps on going. I’m not able to throw away my ticket and get off.
If it couldn’t get any worse, my moods shift constantly as well. The way I feel on the inside comes out unwillingly shows on the outside. I’m frustrated with myself as to why I can’t control this. Why does this disease have the ability to make me feel this way? I wish I could go a day without paying any mind to it. I could turn off all the alarms notifying me, do without thinking, and not feel this heavy burden on my shoulders.
I think what bothers me the most is that diabetes lets you think you have everything under control and then reminds you that you don’t. That even though I can do the same thing over and over again, I may not receive the same results.
I often wonder when will this end, when will I feel normal again? I’ve had diabetes for so long that all of this craziness is second nature to me now. Regardless, I just want off of this ride that I’m on. I want days where I’m not fighting for normalcy, that it’ll just come effortlessly.
When I think about how or why I’ve gotten on this diabetes rollercoaster ride. Having to endure all the highs and lows. That maybe this defeat is meant to push me and strengthen me to push forward. Knowing that the struggle that I’m in today shall pass. All I need to do is to surpass all these obstacles and hang on for dear life. Hopefully, then all of this will pay off one day I’ll be able to get off this crazy ride towards a long-awaited cure.